


Todd Brotzman and His Entirely Ridiculous Third Year

by dirrrk



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, DGHDA Big Bang and Beginner Bang 2018, Hogwarts AU, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Silly Boys, kids discovering themselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-29 22:06:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15738258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirrrk/pseuds/dirrrk
Summary: Todd arrives for his third year at Hogwarts. Amanda arrives for her first. The affectionately, and reluctantly, named “Gryffindor Squad”, comprised of Farah Black, Tina Teventino, Sherlock Hobbs and Todd Brotzman himself, mean to make their mark on Hogwarts. That's a lie, they mostly just want to pass their classes and not get expelled, but that's not how good stories work.Dirk Gently is entirely the strangest boy he's ever met, but Todd's strangely okay with this. Todd is very punk rock and doesn't have feelings for cute Hufflepuffs. This is another lie.





	Todd Brotzman and His Entirely Ridiculous Third Year

**Author's Note:**

> BEAUTIFUL ART BY THE BEAUTIFUL don't-offend-the-bees! You're fantastic, couldn't have done it without you omg <3

It was unreasonably hot.

Todd huffed out a somewhat distressed breath, sweat collecting on his forehead and the small of his back as he climbed the slight incline to his house. The windows of the brick houses and small shops lining the small street glinted, reflecting more sun in his direction.

Todd stopped his ascent in order to pause in the shade of the ice cream parlour, letting his bag fall to the ground for a moment. He looked longingly into the window at the generous helpings of ice cream displayed under the glass counter. He shoved his hand into his pocket to find the leftover sickles from the money his mother had sent him out with, warm from where they had sat against his body.

“Hey, Todd,” came a small voice. A small voice belonging to a smaller girl.

Todd looked up to where the girl was standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame as the charmed cool air from inside played with the hair that was pulled away messily from her face. She wore a striped white and pink apron, although Todd knew for a fact she was too young to serve anyone yet.

“Hey, Lydia,” he replied, stepping away from the glass. “How's your summer going?”

“You want some ice cream?” she asked, ignoring his question completely.

Todd found himself nodding before he consciously realised.

Lydia gestured for him to follow her. Todd did, his mother's shopping bag slung back over his shoulder. The two of them snuck behind the counter, Todd watching as Lydia stood on tip-toes to reach in and scoop some chocolate ice cream into a cone, disregarding the little charmed sign that showed two hands running under water and soap.

Lydia pushed the slightly sticky cone into Todd's hands, before reaching back in and making one for herself. The customers took no notice of her, and her father, Mr. Spring, was no where to be seen.

“Let's eat them outside,” said Lydia, the implied 'before my dad sees' going unsaid.

They sat on the edge of the pavement, eating their ice creams in a race against the enthusiastic sun.

“Are you going to Hogwarts this year?” asked Todd.

“No,” retorted Lydia, eyeing him with a frown. “I'm only eight.”

“Oh,” said Todd, nodding, as though he'd known that. “Amanda starts this year.”

Lydia didn't say anything to that, biting into the cone and sending bits of the brown ice cream onto her yellow summer dress.

After thanking Lydia for the ice cream, he continued on his way, hands and mouth still very much sticky from the sweet treat. He swiped the back of his hand across his mouth in a hopeless attempt to hide the slight diversion he had taken from his errand from his mother.

-

Todd sent all his thanks to the witch or wizard who invented cooling air charms, as he lay listlessly on top of a bookshelf that was tucked away in the library of the cutesy B&B his parents owned. The bookshelf was made of a sturdy wood and was pushed up against a window that showed the small cobbled street outside, and the rolling hills behind that. It was an incredible place to hide away from parents as well as strange guests that turned up to their bed and breakfast, Todd was sure he saw a vampire the week before.

He had already given up on reading the large volume that he had picked from the shelf, and it lay open against his stomach as his eyes closed in a contented doze. It was already halfway through the summer, Todd thought grimly, not wanting to leave these lazy days behind. The thought of introducing Amanda to Hogwarts was exciting, though, so that's what he focused on.

“Todd,” called the soft voice of his mother. “I hope you're doing your homework up there.”

Todd was not.

He peeked his head over the side and looked down to the face of his mother, her eyebrow raised because she knew Todd was not doing homework.

“It's too hot,” mumbled Todd, sourly.

“Is that what you plan on telling your professors when you return to school?” his mother countered, eyebrow still very much raised.

It was an unhappy Todd that jumped listlessly down from the bookshelf, pouting the entire route up to his bedroom, thankfully situated away from the guests' rooms. A half-hearted attempt at a potions essay lay on his desk, mocking Todd as he pushed it aside to find his astronomy books.

This was an unreasonable amount of homework, thought Todd. He took one last longing glance out the window before heaving a sigh and picking up his quill.

-

“This one.”

“Amanda-”

“This one.”

Todd watched Amanda press her small fingers between the bars of the cage, attempting to reach the poor animal.

The Magical Menagerie was fairly crowded, and Todd's family found themselves squeezing between all the other eager first years, all making grabs and demands towards various alarmed cats, rats and toads.

“He's obviously been a little...” their mother began, trailing off before looking towards their father for help.

“Under the weather,” supplied their father.

“Yes,” agreed their mother, turning back to Amanda, who had not torn her awed gaze away from the cage.

The cat inside the cage was indeed under the weather, thought Todd, if by 'weather' they meant 'large hammer'. It was skinny, with wiry black fur that was sparse and matted. Its one eye was a fierce yellow, staring back at Amanda with a certain air of defiance.

“He's perfect,” whispered Amanda, still wiggling her fingers through the bars.

It was ten minutes later, after a decidedly short conversation with the shopkeeper where he attempted to show off some of the beautiful new ginger kittens they had received that morning, and a small scrap with another kid as the black cat pissed on their shoe as Amanda took it out the cage, that the Brotzman family emerged from the shop.

“What's his name?” asked Todd, amused by the exasperated and weary looks on their parents' faces.

“Cerberus,” replied Amanda immediately, decisively.

-

Todd, Amanda and Cerberus sat in the shade outside Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, surrounded by bags of new school books, equipment and Amanda's new robes (Todd had not grown enough to warrant a new set of robes, which Todd was a little bitter about), while their parents conversed with some fellow adult friends a few feet away.

“I hope I'm in Gryffindor like you,” said Amanda, licking her ice cream before offering the cone to Cerberus, who promptly swiped the entire thing to the floor. Amanda looked at the fallen ice cream with soft despair.

“It doesn't matter which house you're in,” said Todd, handing over his own ice cream to Amanda, only slightly begrudgingly.

“But Gryffindor is the best,” supplied Amanda, grinning at Todd as she accepted his ice cream.

“Yeah,” agreed Todd, with a small shrug. “Probably.”

In the following silence Todd tuned into the quiet conversation between his parents and the two others with them. Todd knew by now that adults purposefully kept things from their children, he wasn't entirely sure why, something to do with being bitter and old, probably.

“-front page of the Daily Prophet!”

“Poor souls,” this voice was his mother's.

“Surely they can't expect for this to go smoothly-”

“-yes, precisely! They're too old to start now, surely!”

“They're only kids, they deserve the right to an education.”

His father then locked eyes with Todd, realising his attempt to listen in. He mumbled something to the others and they dispersed fairly quickly, hurling overly cheerful goodbyes to each other.

“Come on, guys,” said his father roughly, herding his family to their feet. “Home time.”

-

“Ooh, it's busy,” said their mother, like she had been expecting a quiet and calm send off on the day that literally every Hogwarts student was boarding the same train. She kept a firm grip on Amanda's shoulder, pushing her trolley with her other hand.

“Now you look after your little sister, yes?” she now turned to Todd.

Todd bit down his automatic, ingrained sarcasm and nodded to his mother. His father nodded approvingly from where he stood off to one side. They stood there a few moments longer as their mother made a fuss, smoothing down the front of Amanda's robes and tucking her hair behind her ears.

“I'm so proud of my babies,” she said, sniffing loudly and wiping at her eyes.

Todd rolled his eyes and grabbed Amanda's sleeve. “C'mon.”

They got their trunks onto the train, along with Amanda's howling cat, and pushed their way down the corridor, Todd keeping an eye out for familiar faces.

“Todd!” called a sudden voice, a hand grabbing the boy and pulling him haphazardly into a compartment, Amanda following suit.

“Farah,” said Todd gleefully, grinning as he recognised the face behind the matching wide toothy smile.

“Hi, I'm Amanda,” his little sister said with a confidence Todd didn't have, obviously realising Todd forgot such simple social norms like introducing new people to each other.

“Farah,” replied Farah, holding out a hand with a formality that Todd had come to expect from his friend. “You're Todd's sister.”

“You're the girl Todd used to fancy.”

That was when Todd died from embarrassment. He threw himself onto one of the seats with a groan as a startled laugh came from Farah. How cruel the universe was, why was no one ever on his side.

The train chugged cheerfully through the countryside, as trains are wont to do, as the trolley filled with sweets and treats made its journey from one end of the train to the other. The arrival of the trolley coincided with the arrival of Tina and Hobbs, this was, Todd suspected, not a coincidence.

“Oh man, yes, pumpkin pasties,” said Hobbs gleefully. His real name was Sherlock Hobbs, but no one called him Sherlock, because he liked the constant opportunity to announce his first name and its relation to a certain detective. It was quite endearing, really.

“Oh hey, I don't know you,” said Tina, pointing to Amanda.

More introductions were made, in the usual way that introductions happened. (Hobbs told Amanda he was named after Sherlock Holmes, as they all suspected he would.)

“Are you guys in Gryffindor too?” asked Amanda, noting the fact that they had yet to change into their robes.

“Yeah man,” sang Tina, “we're the Gryffindor Squad.” If she slouched back any further in her seat she would be on the floor.

“Er, I never agreed to that name,” said Hobbs, wielding some kind of gummy worm in her direction. No one had agreed to that name, but that was not important.

“If I'm not in Gryffindor I'm going to fight the hat so hard,” said Amanda, arms crossed decisively. “Fight it, like, with my fists.”

There was a short pause.

“Fuckin' hell,” Tina burst out with a snort. “An attitude like that will land you in Slytherin, my girl.”

“That's actually quite a Gryffindor way of thinking,” argued Farah, her voice was so reasonable it was easy to believe anything she said. “If you think about it, Slytherins would devise a far more subtle and, probably, effective plan. I've met too many Gryffindors that shoot first and ask questions later.”

“Are you including yourself in that?” asked Todd, eyebrow raised in a fantastic impression of his own mother.

Farah locked her steady, unimpressed gaze on him, in such a way that ignited Todd's fight or flight instinct.

-

Todd waved Amanda goodbye on the platform, letting her get swept up in the tide of small first years. Not that they were much smaller than himself, a respectable third year, but Todd occasionally had delusions of grandeur. He was excited on her behalf, approaching the castle by boat was by far the most impressive route. Todd remembered his own journey across the lake, three years ago, the small wooden boats moving calmly atop the still lake waters, not unlike croutons in large bowel of soup. Todd made a face, realising suddenly how hungry he was.

“Ugh, the feast,” he suddenly moaned, mouth returning to a dopey smile.

“I'm starving,” agreed Tina. Todd knew she had eaten many pasties and other sweet treats on the train. This girl was a machine.

The Gryffindor Squad, a term that Todd none too begrudgingly used to reference the four of them in his mind, squashed themselves into one of the horseless carriages that was already mostly full. Todd smiled vaguely at the two Slytherin third years across from them, one was called Ken, and the other was an imbecile. That's all he knew. Ken didn't look terribly happy to be in such close proximity to the other Slytherin boy.

“Oh man, this gets me every time,” the boy was mumbling, leaning right over the side of the carriage. Was his name Friedkin? Possibly. “Like...what happened to the horses? Is it contagious? I don't think I could handle being...invisible or whatever.”

Tina stifled her snigger, leaning into Farah's shoulder to hide her grin. Farah looked a little too pleased. Todd assumed she was also amused by the boy's words, and not about the proximity of her friend. But Todd was quite dense. About a lot of things, really.

Todd's stomach was truly rumbling once they all got themselves into the Great Hall, he willed it to be quiet during the sorting.

He zoned out through most of the process, honestly. Briefly paying attention to Amanda's confident ascent to the stool, cheering with gusto as the hat called a definite 'Gryffindor' to the hall of students, and pulling her sleeve to squeeze her in between himself and Farah on the bench, and then settling his brain back onto snooze mode.

The headmistress made a speech, as she always did, words falling on the eager ears of the first years. Todd caught a throwaway sentence about some transfer students this year, which he thought was somewhat interesting. He didn't know of any other magic schools in England, but Todd didn't say this out loud, lest he was completely wrong and looked a fool. He didn't need any extra help looking foolish, if he was honest with himself.

Todd breathed a sigh of relief as food appeared in front of him, blossoming out of the empty plates in such a beautiful way that he nearly teared up. He had missed this.

“What was that about transfer students?” asked Tina, mouth already full, chin already covered in a sauce of some kind.

“Yeah, isn't Hogwarts the only school in England?” contributed Amanda, pulling plates towards herself with wide eyes.

“Yes, that's true,” said Farah, nodding Amanda's way. Dammit, thought Todd.

“I wonder if any are in Gryffindor, we should make them feel welcome,” Hobbs joined in, tone as warm and considering as ever.

Todd ran his eyes up and down the table, looking for unfamiliar faces between the familiar ones and the fresh ones of the newly sorted first years.

“Todd, stop that, you look suspicious,” said Farah.

Todd stopped, not entirely sure if he wanted to come across as suspicious or not. Probably not.

They were all too full for pudding, once the savoury main food was vanished from their plates, taking small bites of the delicious ice creams before groaning and pushing them away. Fully satisfied, they waited to be dismissed to their dorms. Todd knew he would sleep well that night, tummy full and mind foggy.

The Gryffindor prefect, Estevez, Todd vaguely remembered his name to be, stood and called for the first years.

Amanda dutifully stood, punching lightly at Todd's shoulder before following the fifth year boy, throwing a wave to the rest of the 'Squad'. Todd cringed internally again, they needed a better term.

“She's sweet,” said Tina with a genuine smile, the other two nodding their heads in agreement. Todd felt his chest swell with pride. He was glad she was a Gryffindor like himself. It had been, all round, a good day. That may have been Todd's gut speaking though, still full to the brim.

-

“I wish I'd grabbed desert,” grumbled Tina, her body thrown across one of the huge armchairs sat within the Gryffindor common room.

Everyone else had gone straight to bed, but it was becoming a tradition for the four of them to stay down for a while to quietly talk about their summers. The long hot days that were so different to their lives at Hogwarts, and so different from each others', that they seemed like worlds away now, back in the familiarity of the stone walls of their school.

Todd stared into the low flames in the fireplace.

He also had a sudden craving for something sweet.

“We could go down to the kitchens,” he suggested, casually, like it wasn't a big deal, like it didn't fuel the part of him that was yearning for adventure while simultaneously causing his anxious mind to stutter and protest.

“Like you know how to get into the kitchens,” snorted Tina in disbelief.

“Maybe I do,” Todd threw back, not taking his eyes from the fireplace, his mouth hitching into a small smile as he imagined Amanda's face when he told her about his wild and untameable punk-rock attitude that got them into the school kitchens.

“What?” Tina righted herself in her chair immediately.

“Todd, no,” said Farah now, eyes narrowing.

“Todd, yes!” countered Tina, grinning so much all her teeth were out.

“Is it a good idea to get in trouble on your first night?” reasoned Hobbs, who was cosily settled in his own armchair.

“You're so reasonable, Hobbs,” cried Tina in dismay.

“I'm going to pretend you mean that as a compliment,” said Hobbs, settling his hands over his stomach. “So, thank you.”

“You don't even know where the kitchens are, do you?” Farah said, more of a statement than a question.

“I mean, I so do,” retorted Todd, a little too gleefully. He eyed Farah in, what he hoped was, a subtle glance, just to see if she was impressed by his chilled and nonchalant rebelliousness. Todd wasn't sure that was a word. Better not say it out loud, just in case.

In any case, Tina's enthusiasm easily outshone Farah and Hobbs' cautious concerns, and the four of them ended up making their way down towards the Hufflepuff common room. It was very quiet and very dark, the torches on the walls casting odd, cartoonish shadows.

Farah made some weird hand signals that none of them could interpret.

“What?” hissed Todd.

“We need some of us to stand guard,” Farah hissed right back.

It was agreed that Farah would stand guard on one end of the corridor and Hobbs on the other. Tina followed Todd to the painting of a bowl of fruit. Todd had a sudden hot, embarrassed moment where he thought maybe this was all a big joke and he was going to look very silly. He had, after all, only overheard the quiet words whispered between some 6th year Hufflepuffs. What if he tickled this stupid pear and nothing happened.

Something happened.

Todd withdrew his hand, watching in relief as the painting moved to reveal a small, wooden doorway.

“Fucking fantastic,” breathed Tina, in awe, probably. Todd was pretty awesome.

The house elves were a dream. Cheerful tiny things that were only too happy to laden their arms with puddings and pies and chocolates. A beautiful assortment of sweet treats that made their mouths water, regardless of the huge meal they had consumed less than an hour previously.

Sneaking it back to the common room was harder. They now had their arms full, and they were giggling far too loudly. All four of them sprinted the last two corridors, hearts pounding as they woke up the sleeping portrait that guarded the Gryffindor common room, mumbling the password through heavy pants.

Todd whooped, falling backwards onto the warm, carpeted floor, treats spilling out around him.

He had missed this, he thought, as the four of them indulged, laughing their way into the early hours of the morning.

-

Potions wasn't really a favourite of Todd's.

The steam from his cauldron snaked upwards, curling through one nostril and out the other. He wasn't entirely sure what a Laughing Potion was meant to smell like, but it probably wasn't old socks. Todd sniffed at it again. Old socks that had been chewed on by a dog with no teeth and never managed to dry properly.

They shared their Potions lesson with the Slytherins. This was actually quite a blessing, because, no matter how wrong Todd went in his potion making journey, it was always overshadowed by whatever monster Friedkin managed to cook up in his now-mangled cauldron.

Todd smirked to himself as he watched the bottom of the Slytherin boy's cauldron give up and calmly fall through to the floor. The professor sighed heavily as the tiled floor steamed softly.

Through the steam, pungent and viscous as it was, Todd suddenly caught sight of a girl he'd never seen before. Her heir and eyes equal in their wildness. Todd was fully aware of his unobservant nature, but surely he had not gone two years without noticing an entire human student he shared a class with.

Todd elbowed Farah, who stood to his right, next to her perfectly fine potion that didn't smell of socks even a little bit.

“Who's that?” he mumbled to her, gesturing his head towards the girl.

Farah shrugged, eyes narrowing as she took the other girl in. “Probably one of the transfer students.”

“Oh...yeah.” Todd had forgotten that was a thing.

He watched her for a little longer. She seemed fairly lost, her grabbing of ingredients was only hindered by the gentle guiding of the Slytherin boy, Ken.

Todd forced himself to continue working on his potion, grimacing as he looked down into the brown-ish liquid. He watched Farah evenly slice a bumpy root thing in half, and copied her, dropping it into his cauldron. Todd only really got by in potions because of his incredible talent of copying other people that were better than him. It didn't feel like a very Gryffindor trait to possess, so he chose to ignore that line of thought.

-

It was waiting outside of his first Charms class that he saw him. Him being a scrawny Hufflepuff with a smile that was all teeth and a gait that was clumsy in nature. His wand stuck out of his pocket at an awkward angle, threatening to fall out with every movement.

“Is this the Charms room?” the boy asked, addressing the group of Gryffindors that stood there, but his eyes looked directly at Todd.

Someone replied with an affirmative and the boy nodded with satisfaction before finding himself a patch of wall to lean against, eyeing the other Hufflepuffs whilst pulling at the yellow lining of his own sleeve.

“Must be another transfer kid,” said Tina, just a smidgen too loudly. Todd shrugged in response. He wasn't too sure how he felt about the transfer kids, he felt as though perhaps he was missing a piece of the puzzle.

Charms was often considered one of the softer lessons, far easier than transfiguration in any case. This thought was running through Todd's mind as he stared dejectedly down at the goblet of water sat in front of him. Beside him, Hobbs had successfully turned his to ice, triumphantly holding it upside down above Tina's head.

Todd muttered the spell again, accidentally poking this tip of his wand into the water because he jabbed a little too hard. His wand hissed slightly, like a hot pan being run under cold water. He glanced up to see if anyone else was having as much trouble as himself, turning his gaze to the Hufflepuffs sat across from them.

The boy from before immediately caught his attention, though he was not doing anything particularly attention-worthy. He was sat leaning forwards with his nose nearly in the cup, wand laying forgotten next to him on the desk.

Strange boy.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/153572881@N02/44102212291/in/album-72157672426941388/)

-

“Oh my god, Todd,” sighed Amanda, excitement lighting up her voice and her face at the same time. She fell back into the armchair, warm and cosy because of its proximity to the crackling fire. “Hogwarts is amazing.”

Behind her Cerberus was dutifully tearing up the heavy red velvet curtains that were draped around the common room. A couple of first years had been using that corner to study and were now cautiously backing away. Amanda either did not notice, or did not care.

“I know,” agreed Todd, grinning up at the ceiling from his own seat. “You have no idea how pumped I was for you to get here.” He turned his head to grin at his sister. “Two years I had to wait, man!”

“There was this kid in my Herbology class today,” said Amanda, leaning forward as she launched into her story, “that threw his potted plant through the roof. Just full on launched it up and out of the greenhouse. He like, whooped, and then carried on repotting some other shit, like it never even happened. Strange kid.”

“Was he a Gryffindor?” asked Todd, a little dubiously. He could definitely see his sister taking inspiration from crazy shit like that.

“Nah, Hufflepuff.”

“Hufflepuffs are weird...” mumbled Todd in agreement, mind wandering back to his Charms lesson earlier that day.

“Yeah,” Amanda paused, smirking, “you'd make a great one.”

“Fuck off,” retorted Todd, only a small part of him genuinely offended. The small, but ignorable, part of him that knew he wasn't brave enough to be a Gryffindor. That perhaps he would have been better suited to Hufflepuff. Or, and at this thought he remembered the sorting hat's hushed words in his ears, perhaps even Slytherin.

“Hey, dickwaffles,” cooed Tina, swinging herself onto the armrest of Todd's chair.

“Tina, your hair is a fucking mess, where have you been?” asked Todd, taking her dishevelled appearance in. There was a whole twig in her hair.

Tina only held up a squashed packet of cigarettes in response, shaking them slightly as though trying to keep the attention of a small child.

“Where did you get those?” Amanda gasped, a bit too gleefully for Todd's comfort.

“Nicked them off a Ravenclaw 7th year,” explained Tina, grin wide. “I was in the bushes-”

“In the-what? Why were you in the bushes?” interjected Todd.

“Just like, chilling,” Tina shrugged. “And then these Ravenclaw fellas thought they'd found a good spot to light up so, I did a thing and swiped a packet.”

“You did a thing?”

“You know, like, magic sparks.” She wiggled her fingers. “Distraction.”

“Of course,” said Todd, hoping his tone conveyed how confused he was by the whole affair.

“Anyway, shall we?” said Tina now, winking and making her way to the stairs that led to they boys' dorm.

“Hey, you can't go up there,” protested Todd, standing also.

“Can't I?” replied Tina, just as, if not more so, savvily.

That was how the three of them ended up on the roof of the boys' dormitory, settling back to gaze at the improbable sky above them as Tina lit one of the cigarettes with her wand. She inhaled a gulp of smoke, blowing it out almost immediately as her eyes began to water.

“That's fucking gross,” she said, voice tight, but going in for another go anyway.

Amanda tried a bit, made a face, and gave it up to Todd.

Todd coughed a lot.

“Mum would go mad,” mumbled Amanda, her quiet words easily heard in the silent night air. She took the cigarette back from Todd, who was a little wary after his embarrassing little display.

Todd huffed a laugh. “Yeah, she would.”

It was easy to forget they were just kids, the three of them staring up into the vastness above them, the smell of smoke clinging to their robes. In that moment they felt important, far more important than they actually were. Just the right side of arrogance.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/153572881@N02/44102213701/in/album-72157672426941388/)

-

Farah came back a lot later to the common room, narrowing her eyes in suspicion as she smelled the smoke that was still lingering like an invisible, guilty cloud around them. Todd felt immediately sheepish, scratching the back of his neck and shrugging. Farah: the mum friend that could definitely kill you.

“Where have you been?” asked Tina, completely unconcerned by their friend's disapproval, tilting her head up from where she was laid across the sofa. Tina had an incredible talent for taking up more room than her tiny body actually should be capable of.

“Tutoring some other students,” was her reply. “Just some normal kids who need some help, like people often do.”

That seemed quite suspicious, thought Todd to himself.

“That's incredibly suspicious,” was what Tina actually voiced aloud.

“No, it's completely plausible,” countered Farah, a little hastily. “I'm very good at Defence Against the Dark Arts, you have witnessed this yourself, and I'm tutoring other...students...who are not...as good.” Farah made a lot of hand gestures to go alongside her waffled words.

“Come on, girl,” Tina whined, before continuing with, “you'll tell us eventually, you know you will. Let's not waste time.”

“I agree,” piped up Todd, who immediately wished he hadn't after receiving a wilted glance from Farah.

“You can't tell anyone,” said Farah, after a small, but effective, pause.

“No way, my lips are sealed,” said Tina, sitting up immediately, miming a zip across her mouth.

Farah sat down on the sofa next to her. Todd leaned in from his own seat.

“I'm tutoring a couple of the transfer kids,” said Farah in a, mostly unnecessary, hushed voice.

“That's not…the most exciting thing I've heard,” Todd replied, his voice a mock of the hushed tone his friend had used.

“Yeah...there must be more to this, ol' Farah my girl,” added Tina.

“It's weird,” Farah started, before pausing again. “It's like...they've never done magic before.”

“Never?” Tina, again.

Farah shrugged. “The professor gave me a brief, er, well, briefing, and I knew they'd be in need of a little help, but it's like this is the first time they've picked up a wand.”

“Are they from muggle families? Maybe they just didn't know they were magic,” suggested Todd.

“That's not how it works though, there's no way Hogwarts would just miss a whole group of kids of different ages, that's never happened before.”

“Weird,” muttered Todd. “That girl in potions, the Slytherin? Ken was helping her loads...like she'd never even seen a cauldron before.”

“Yeah,” agreed Tina, with enthusiasm now. “There was that new Hufflepuff kid in our Charms that was doing fuck all to that goblet of water. I think he just drank it in the end.”

Todd hummed, in a vague, non-committal way. As though the Hufflepuff kid hadn't crossed his mind at all.

“Man,” Tina continued, “I love a mystery. This year is gonna be good, I can just fucking feel it.”

This was the moment Cerberus chose to launch himself from an unspecified tall furniture piece and land on Tina's head. The chaos that ensued next was quite beautiful.

-

Detention.

Within his first two weeks back, that had to beat a personal record. Todd had spent the last two hours cleaning cauldrons in the dungeons as a punishment for reasons he was not proud of. He had swapped his own, terrible, terrible potion with the innocent Slytherin's beside him, determined to get by on cheating rather than actually learning how to brew the draught properly.

He had missed dinner by quite a lot, and was considering making a journey via the kitchens. The idea of warm, homemade roast potatoes and gravy made him make a turn down the stairs that lead to the corridor where a painting of fruit hung innocently on the wall. Did he deserve it? No. Was he going to do it anyway? Yes.

It was rounding the last corner that he slammed into another entire human.

Todd let out a yelp before he could stop himself. Thankfully his own cowardly yelp was drowned out by a comparatively larger yelp. All things considered, it was entirely too much yelping.

Before Todd had time to gather his bearings and inspect the other person in front of him, they grabbed his robe by the sleeve and yelled, “Run!”.

Todd stumbled after them, in the complete opposite direction of the kitchens. Great. Instead of mourning the loss of his dinner, Todd looked up to take in his new companion. It was, he realised with a weird jolt to his stomach, the Hufflepuff boy from Charms. One of the intriguing transfer students. Tall and fairly pretty. Except not that last bit.

Todd frowned, not enjoying the feeling of being handled so roughly.

“What are you doing?” he demanded, pulling back against the other boy to stop their weird, hasty run.

The boy turned to him, everything about his movements was slightly too erratic to be normal. The delighted grin on the boy's face was a strange juxtaposition to the urgency in his limbs, it was impossible to tell whether he was running away from or towards something.

“There's no time, come on!” The boy reached out for Todd's sleeve again.

“Who are you?” Todd nearly screamed, jerking his arm away from the boy's hand. “What is happening right now?”

“We have no time for your understandable confusion, fellow student,” the boy said, talking as much with his hands as he was his voice. “There is somebody following us!”

There did indeed seem to be footsteps, echoing down the corridor. Probably following the sound of the other boy's voice, unreasonably unsubtle in its volume as it was.

The boy looked around frantically, before nodding to himself and pulling Todd behind a stone gargoyle, the kind that held a flaming torch. The base was surprisingly wide and they were hidden from view as the footsteps came closer, passed them, and continued down the corridor. Todd let out a deep breath, suddenly registering his sweating armpits and heart that was beating a little too fast.

“What the shit, man?” gasped Todd, turning his body to the other boy in the limited space available to them. He noticed in that moment the careful space between them, as though the other boy was taking great care not to touch him. Todd was grateful for this, remembering his sweatiness.

“That was close,” the boy whistled lowly, peeking his head out and around the gargoyle.

“Listen,” Todd started in a huff, pushing his shoulders back to imitate confidence. “Firstly, who are you? Secondly-”

“Dirk Gently,” replied the boy, holding out a hand to shake. “My name is Dirk, followed by Gently. Don't listen to anyone who says that isn't my name, because it definitely is.”

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/153572881@N02/44102215391/in/album-72157672426941388/)

“Okay...” said Todd uneasily, cautiously taking the hand offered to him. Dirk Gently gave it a little shake and then dropped it a bit too quickly, like he'd never shaken a hand before. “Todd,” he added, gesturing lamely to himself.

“Todd,” repeated the boy, called Dirk Gently, with a smile.

“Who were you running from?” asked Todd, not smiling in return.

“Oh,” Dirk looked vaguely surprised by this question. The kind of surprise that you feel when someone offers you dessert and you didn't know that was going to be an option. “I don't know.”

“Then why did you run?”

Dirk pursed his lips, as if in great thought. “It just felt like the right thing to do.”

“Okay,” said Todd, though it sounded more like a question, utterly bewildered. “Are you...hungry? I was just going down to the kitchens.”

“The kitchens?” Dirk breathed, eyes wide.

-

“You're back late,” commented Hobbs, a hue of concern to his tone. “How was detention?”

“Alright,” replied Todd, kicking his shoes off and under his bed.

Hobbs was sat up in bed, reading a book that Farah had lent him about defensive spells. It was quite late, had he been waiting up for Todd? Surely not. Todd felt a little guilty.

“What's up, man?” asked Hobbs, carefully putting a bookmark into the ancient hardback and setting it aside.

Todd slumped down onto his bed, still fully clothed in his robes that smelt faintly of cauldron gunk.

“I bumped into one of the transfer kids walking back from detention.”

“Oh, that sounds nice, what a great opportunity to make a friend,” said Hobbs with an actual chuckle, like a proud mother.

“Yeah, he's an odd guy,” said Todd quietly, face up to the ceiling.

“I hope they're all making friends, the transfer kids,” continued Hobbs, stifling a small yawn. “Maybe we can ask some of them to come to Hogsmeade with us. I'm psyched to go this year, did you get your permission slip signed?”

“Yeah,” replied Todd, tuning out Hobbs' tired rambling about a sweet shop or maybe it was joke shop. Maybe they should ask the transfer kids to hang out, Dirk Gently would surely be up for it. He was pretty cool, you know, for a weirdo.

-

Todd spent a relatively considerable amount of his Charms lesson casting glances at Dirk Gently. The boy was a mess, that could be his excuse. There was something compelling about the wild gestures of his arms, wand gripped tightly as he attempted to cast the charm.

He was a mess and Todd was not looking, dammit.

Todd's own attempts were feeble at best, despite Farah walking him through the wand movement many times. He watched her again, making an attempt to concentrate. Farah, of course, performed the charm perfectly and there was that reoccurring heaviness that sat in Todd's stomach, like he had swallowed a rock. If that rock was filled with worry and a vague sense of panic. You know, like rocks probably are.

It was after class that Hobbs rounded on Dirk, Todd trailing feebly behind as Farah and Tina watched in curiosity.

Hobbs' manner was anything but hostile, he exuded kindness, affability and any other synonym you could think of for 'one of the nicest people probably ever'. Therefore it was strange to see the Hufflepuff flinch slightly as they approached, his back hitting the wall slightly as he took a step back. They did, perhaps, walk over with a little too much purpose.

“Hello, I'm Hobbs,” greeted Hobbs, his smile only encouraging his natural warmth. “We have Charms together?”

“Oh,” said Dirk, clearing his throat and standing up with a sudden, too sudden, confidence. “Dirk Gently.”

“That's an awesome name, buddy,” said Hobbs, and Todd could see Dirk's face visibly relax into something more like a smile. “Let's walk to lunch together.”

Dirk nodded, eagerly.

“This is Tina and Farah,” Hobbs introduced, waving his hand to the two girls. Tina cocked a finger gun in Dirks' direction, pretending to fire it with a wink. Farah just waved, like a normal person. “And I think you've met Todd?”

Dirk nodded, again. “We hid behind a gargoyle together.”

“Of course you did,” sighed Farah, casting Todd an amused glance. This went largely ignored, by Todd anyway.

“So, you coming to Hogsmeade?” asked Tina, falling into step next to Dirk as the five of them made their way to the great hall.

“Oh, er, no,” said Dirk, his eyes moving between the four of them in a strange concoction of bewilderment and delight.

“Really? That sucks, did you not get your permission slip signed?” continued Tina.

“No, but it's fine,” said Dirk, a little hurried with a shrug. “I don't really know what it is, so I don't think I'm missing out, really.”

There was a beat that could have become an awkward silence, before Hobbs said quickly, “We'll just have to bring you back something.”

“Yeah man, we'll bring as many sweets as we can carry,” enthused Tina, holding her arms out in a cradle as a demonstration.

Dirk grinned all the way down to the hall, and Todd couldn't help smiling right back.

-

The evening after the anticipated trip into the nearby magical village, the four Gryffindors pulled a startled Dirk Gently over to their table before emptying all their pockets that had been crammed full of various sweets and chocolates.

“I don't know if I'm allowed to sit-”

“It's fine,” interrupted Tina, pulling his robe sleeve so he sat down between herself and Farah.

“Technically there aren't any rules regarding different houses sitting at their designated tables-” Farah started to say.

“She's read the entirety of Hogwarts a History,” whispered Tina in Dirk's ear. “It's actually pretty rad.”

Farah stopped talking, a faint blush highlighting her dark cheeks in a pretty pink.

“Here, try this one,” said Todd, subconsciously wanting some of Dirk's blue-eyed attention.

Dirk took the chocolate frog from Todd's hand, looking down at the colourful packaging. He opened it up slowly and the chocolate frog struggled free, immediately hopping down onto the table.

“Grab it, before it hops off!” called another Gryffindor from the table.

Dirk made no movement towards the frog, watching the charmed treat clumsily hurdle various plates and platters with a soft 'o' of wonder on his mouth. The frog hopped into a bowl of someone's food by accident and Dirk laughed.

It was quite a nice laugh, thought Todd, completely objectively.

Dirk was still laughing, shoulders relaxed and fingers pressed to his eyes as he hiccoughed through some giggles. Tina joined in, because that's what Tina did, and soon most of the table was laughing. It was a strange infectious affair that had everyone snorting into their goblets of pumpkin juice, and leaning back with hands clutched to stomachs.

Todd's eyes made contact with Dirk's, and their matching grins were quite lovely.

-

“I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't-”

“Todd!” Farah's stern voice interrupted.

Todd looked up from his essay, messy with his hasty words and crumpled edges where he had held it too tightly. There was ink on his fingers and creases between his eyebrows where his frown refused to even out.

“Let me help,” said Farah, softer now, reaching for the essay that Todd gave up with frustrated sigh, letting his head fall into his hands.

“It's a piece of shit, I don't understand it and I never will because I'm stupid.”

Farah didn't reply immediately, only reading through what he had written so far, mouth set into a hard line.

“You're stressing yourself out unnecessarily,” said Farah, smoothing the essay down onto the table. “Theory has always been your strong point, and you know that.”

“What?” said Todd, voice muffled from where he still had his face pressed into his hands, trying to avoid sinking lower into his all-consuming thoughts.

“Your essays always get higher marks than your practical work, don't they?”

Todd thought about this. “I guess.”

“Take a deep breath, or a break if you need it, and start again,” said Farah, pushing his essay back. “You've got some good stuff here but the disorganised nature of it is just going to stress you out more. Make some concise notes and mark the pages in the books you're using, do you still have those sticky notes I gave you?”

Todd nodded.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” repeated Todd.

If Todd could trust anyone on stress-related issues, it was Farah. He was fully aware of her own personal anxiety when it came to deadlines and exams, and she was nearly top of their class. Too often had they had to insist Farah stop working herself into a panic and actually go to bed and sleep. Now, her words were anything but patronising to Todd.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, pulling back the essay to sit in front of him.

Farah shot him a smile. “We can do this.”

It wasn't until after they had been returned their essays, Todd receiving the smallest of congratulatory nods from their stern Transfiguration teacher, that Todd felt his sanity return to him. Relief bubbled up into his stomach as he looked over the few notes etched into his essay with his professor's quill.

This was also when Farah approached him with a careful suggestion, face guarded as she judged his reaction.

“You want me to what?”

“Come along to the tutoring sessions,” repeated Farah, attempting to look him in the eye. Todd was sure she was going for reassurance but the eye contact was a bit too intense for Todd to feel completely comfortable.

“The ones you hold for the transfer students?” He didn't give her a chance to reply and confirm. “The ones for the people who know nothing about magic?”

“Todd-”

“I'm a third year, Farah.”

“I know-”

“I've been around magic my whole life, I know what I'm doing.” Todd could feel traitorous tears building up behind his eyes, because he couldn't help feeling like he was lying. He didn't know what he was doing, not really, and that was scary.

“Todd,” repeated Farah, holding out a palm level to his chest. “I know, okay? However, I think it would be good for you. It would be a safe space just to go over some easy stuff, a place to practice stuff you're finding tricky.”

Todd didn't speak, looking down at his toes in the epitome of sulking.

“You're a good wizard, Todd,” said Farah softly, “and it's okay to need a bit of help.”

Todd took a deep breath, biting back the tears that were threatening to make an appearance to this depressing theatrical piece.

“Think about it?” suggested Farah.

Todd nodded.

-

The first few tutoring sessions were awful. Todd stood at the back awkwardly while Farah told the kids there, some of which were definitely older than themselves, that Todd was there to help and also work on himself a little bit. Todd said nothing while Farah introduced him, but he did make eye contact with Dirk, who sent him a thumbs up and a brilliant smile.

There were kids from across all the years and all the houses, and they clearly all knew each other. A group of four, one Hufflepuff, a Slytherin and two Ravenclaws were giving off the kind of vibe that Todd usually tried to avoid. The Slytherin boy, white hair that was scooped to a point and sleeves rolled up to the elbow smirked at Todd, who looked away so quickly he pulled a small muscle in his neck.

He watched Dirk converse happily with a Ravenclaw girl, her fringe a solid line above her eyes. The entire situation was strange and so incredibly far outside of Todd's comfort zone.

“Usually Panto is here too,” explained Farah to Todd. “The two of us run these and the professors check in sometimes.”

Todd knew Panto. He was an older Gryffindor with a majestic swoop to his hair and a graceful manner in both magic and personality. Todd supposes that had Godric Gryffindor been able to craft the perfect Gryffindor it would be Panto.

Todd spent most of his time at these sessions sitting in the corner with his books, using the time to study rather than interact with the other students.

“Hey, Todd.”

Todd looked up. It was Dirk Gently. Of course.

“Hey...Dirk,” replied Todd, putting his pen down.

“I was wondering if you could help me with this one thing-”

“You should ask Farah, that's what she's here for,” interrupted Todd, too bluntly.

“I know, but I want your help,” said Dirk, his equally blunt reply catching Todd off guard.

“Oh, okay.”

Dirk wanted help with the Freezing Charm that had been their first Charms lesson of the year, something that Todd had yet to perfect, to no one's surprise.

“Perhaps we could learn it together,” suggested Dirk, after Todd confessed as much.

Todd shrugged, mumbling a small “okay”, and actively avoiding Farah's proud gaze in their direction. She didn't need the satisfaction, Todd decided.

-

“What the fuck, Todd?”

Tina was sat across from Todd, their breakfast on their plates, grumbled morning chatter accompanying them, and Tina's tongue stuck on her goblet.

“I need to practice my charm work, Tina,” explained Todd with a straight face.

“Get this off, it hurts!” It was quite hard to understand her with the frozen metal cup still stuck to her tongue, but the gist of her annoyance was conveyed through her tone.

Farah muttered a quite spell from beside them, releasing Tina of the icy situation.

“Your freezing charm is much better,” commented Farah, both of them now ignoring Tina who was prodding her tongue in disdain.

Todd didn't manage to mutter out a quiet thank you before a sudden explosion erupted from the end of the Slytherin table, causing cutlery and food to fly into the air before landing with echoing clatters.

There was a moment of silence as everyone turned and twisted to see what had happened, before a couple of the professors took charge of the situation, marching up to the table.

The hall was then filled with laughter and various loud 'whoop!'s as the professors confronted the students that had caused the trouble. From what Todd could see, leaning back to look around Farah, it was a few of the transfer kids that he recognised from Farah's tutoring sessions, and-

“Amanda!” Todd blurted out, shocked to see the professors escorting his little sister out with the others, an undeniable grin slapped onto her face.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/153572881@N02/43195239635/in/album-72157672426941388/)

“Dude, was that your sister?” asked Tina, craning her neck to watch the students leaving.

“Todd,” said Hobbs, arriving at the table a little flustered. “The professors just escorted your sister outside-”

“Yeah I know, I saw,” replied Todd, a little tartly.

“I wonder what happened,” mumbled Farah, mostly to herself. “She didn't seem the kind of kid to get into trouble.”

Todd knew that Amanda was exactly the kind of kid to get into trouble. He also knew that their mother was going to lay some of the blame on Todd. He just hoped it wasn't going to be a howler.

He didn't get a chance to confront Amanda about it until dinner, when she sat down heavily onto the bench opposite him, her hair still slightly singed around her left ear.

“What?” she said, eyebrows raised as she reached to serve herself some food.

“What do you mean, 'what'?” replied Todd, mimicking her terribly. “What the shit was that about earlier?”

“Oh man, you saw that?” said Amanda, leaning forward with an eager grin.

“Saw it...Amanda, Merlin probably saw that from beyond his old-ass grave, I think there's still a fork in the ceiling,” Todd hissed, also leaning forwards until they were frowning at each other over the bowl of potatoes between them.

“Wasn't it cool though?” Amanda said with a wiggle to her eyebrows. “Don't pretend you didn't think that was cool.”

It was pretty cool, but wasn't Todd supposed to be the responsible older brother?

Amanda could see the conflict battling itself out on his face, and leaned back with a satisfied smirk, scooping up some beans with her fork.

“Why were you at the Slytherin table anyway?” asked Todd, slowly going back to his own food.

“One of my friends is in Slytherin and he's kind of the leader of our little group-”

“What group?” Todd frowned, stiffly continuing to eat as though he didn't have images of a weird Slytherin biker gang flashing through his mind.

“Just some people I'm friends with,” shrugged Amanda, either oblivious to Todd's inner turmoil or not caring. “There's a dude in my class, the Hufflepuff I told you about, and he's one of the transfer kids and his mates are in the older years and they're so fucking cool, man.”

“You need to stop fucking swearing,” mumbled Todd, mindlessly pushing his food around his plate. “And just...be careful yeah? Slytherins can be sly and-”

“Oh my god, Todd,” huffed Amanda, fully rolling her eyes to the ceiling, probably looking at the fork that was definitely still up there. “You need to chill out, dude, and stop with these stereotypes.”

Before Todd could protest in any way, Tina slid onto the bench next to Amanda, a shit-eating grin on her face.

“Amanda, that was so cool, earlier, at breakfast,” she said too loudly, punching her fork into the bowl of potatoes with every syllable of her sentence.

Todd sighed.

-

It was, of course, Todd that got the brunt of the blame for Amanda's various stunts. Yes, various. She had become solid friends with the group of transfer students that had aided and assisted her breakfast food explosion moment, and they were already garnering wary glances from students and professors alike.

“You need to be keeping a better eye on her, Todd,” scolded their mother as she chopped carrots methodically, the saucepan stirring itself beside her on the stove. “She's young and easily influenced.”

Todd did not point out that he was also quite young, barely two years older than his acclaimed baby sister. He swung his heels into the cupboard doors, perched on the kitchen counter “helping” with Christmas dinner.

“Are you listening, Todd?” his mother said, turning her stern gaze to him now.

“Yes,” was Todd's fairly blunt reply.

“Come on, Todd, don't sulk now,” continued his mother, returning to her cooking. “Let's have a happy family Christmas.”

Todd had previously been, understandably, excited for the Christmas holidays, there being an abundance of food and snow and family. There was still all of that, kind of. Amanda had been his favourite part about coming home, she would wait for him at the station and barely leave his side for the whole holiday, demanding stories about Hogwarts.

This year, well, she had experienced Hogwarts for herself. She had seen Todd at every meal and subsequently found her own friends to hang out with. This Christmas she was no where to be seen, unless of course you were looking in her room where she read her school books and wrote letters that were sent away with the family owl to unknown locations.

It wasn't until Christmas dinner itself that Amanda turned her grin in Todd's direction, miming the plate of food in front of her exploding behind their parents' backs. Todd snorted into his stuffing, sending little bits flying across the table. Perhaps Todd just needed to chill out a little bit regarding his self-appointed guardian role, Amanda clearly just wanted her goofy brother. That could be arranged.

-

“What's a whoopee cushion?” asked Tina, so enraptured by Todd's tale that she had forgotten to continue chewing her food and little bits of toast were falling out and back onto her plate.

“They're these muggle things that Amanda found that make fart noises when you sit on them,” explained Todd.

“Wait, and this was at your family Christmas dinner?” clarified Hobbs, having also favoured Todd's story over his own breakfast.

“No it was afterwards when everyone sat down to open presents,” clarified Todd, not having forgotten about his food and simply talking through his mouthfuls.

“That, honestly, sounds more immature than anything else,” confessed Farah, who was also there, obviously. All four members of the Gryffindor Squad were sat down to their first breakfast back from the holidays. A tradition they took quite seriously, regardless of the fact that they always ate their meals together.

“Yeah,” agreed Todd, grinning as he remembered the look of disgust on their grandmother's face as her own chair emitted a stuttering fart and her ensuing red-faced embarrassment as she implored that she 'didn't know where that sound had come from'.

It had been childish, but it had made Amanda laugh and that's all Todd really cared about.

Speaking of things Todd cared about.

A familiar Hufflepuff had entered the room, sleeves hanging over his hands in a way that meant his robes were definitely too big for him. Todd hadn't noticed that before.

“Dirk!” Hobbs was the one to call out, waving the boy over to their table.

“You've returned!” said the gleeful Dirk Gently, settling all his long limbs down onto the Gryffindor bench beside Todd. Todd wondered if this was on purpose or if he was simply the closest.

“How was your Christmas, Dirk?” asked Farah, definitely the most polite out of their little group.

“Decidedly better than previous ones,” said Dirk, in a tone far too serious, an eyebrow raised as if they were all in on the same joke. They weren't.

“Er...” Hobbs fumbled for something to say.

“I mean, did you see the tree?” continued Dirk, either changing the subject or suggesting the enormous christmas tree that stood proudly in the great hall had been the reason for the change of his holiday spirit, Todd wasn't sure. “I think that may have been the biggest tree I've ever seen, Christmas or otherwise.”

“Did you stay here for Christmas?” asked Tina, not as tactfully as perhaps the others would have asked.

“Yes, I mostly roamed the castle,” said Dirk, nodding and pouring himself some pumpkin juice. He sniffed it suspiciously before taking a gulp. “Sometimes Mona came along for the adventure.”

“Who's Mona?” asked Todd.

This was the moment that their headmistress stood to welcome them all back to school, her stance and robes never failing to remind Todd of a rather large snail. With glasses. A snail who wore glasses.

“A warm welcome home to all of you,” she started, her voice nearly as lethargic as her movements. “Now please, classes have begun, so please take yourselves to them.”

A snail of not many words, was she.

-

Todd wasn't sure when Dirk had become more of a fixture within the small group, but he was suddenly very much there. None of them minded, although many other students watched with curiosity as the lanky Hufflepuff attached itself to the side of their weird little square.

Would that make them a pentagon?

Nevertheless, there were definitely five of them now.

“We need to find a better place to hang out,” complained Tina, her voice muffled from where she was breathing into her hands.

“I'm fucking freezing,” agreed Todd, his own hands tucked into his armpits.

The problem with having a Hufflepuff amongst them was the dorm situation. The three of them were huddled in the courtyard around a half-hearted heating charm that Farah had produced. Half-hearted in a way that was meant to be unnoticeable to passing professors. Huddled in a way that meant Dirk was carefully not making physical contact with any of them, something they had all actively realised and not pushed.

“Could we not go back to the Gryffindor common room? We have a fireplace,” moaned Todd.

Dirk looked stricken by the idea that it was his fault that they were all freezing their arses off in the cold February air.

“I'm sor-”

“Don't be a dick, Todd,” mumbled Tina, cutting Dirk off.

“I wasn't-”

“We're not kicking a member out of the Squad just because you're cold,” Tina continued. Farah and Hobbs nodded in agreement, although they would have probably said it in a nicer way, thought Todd to himself a little bitterly.

No one really noticed the look of surprise that flitted across Dirk's face at the assumption that he was now part of their group, officially. They had had to drop the 'Gryffindor' aspect of the name, obviously, but 'Squad' was still pretty self-explanatory.

“Could we not, just sneak him in?” asked Hobbs, carefully. They all looked at him in surprise.

“Sherlock 'law-abiding-one-day-I-want-to-be-an-aura' Hobbs suggesting we break the rules?” gasped Tina.

Farah would have probably argued if either of the other two in the group had suggested this, but she had always secretly looked up to Hobbs and his un-wilting good nature, so that was how they found themselves attempting to sneak a Hufflepuff into their dorm.

It was hard not to laugh as they strode with a fake confidence up to the portrait that concealed the entrance to the Gryffindor dormitory. Through stifled giggles they managed to get the password out, Dirk hidden behind Hobbs as they shuffled awkwardly through the entrance.

“I can't believe that worked,” said Farah, with serious concern. “Surely the security aspect of the dorm's entrances should have been able to detect a non-Gryffindor, this is quite concerning.”

“It's more likely that they did actually detect a non-Gryffindor and take one look at Dirk and realise he's the most harmless and least intimidating thing ever,” said Todd, gesturing to Dirk who somehow managed to look clumsy just standing still.

“Yeah, I don't think Dirk's about to overthrow Gryffindor from the inside,” agreed Tina with a small snort, already heading towards the cackling fire that set the warm, comforting glow dancing around the common room.

There were a fair amount of people packed into the room, all seeking protection from the icy wind outside. Some of them through a few glances in their direction, either curious or disapproving to the yellow-robed intruder.

Tina and Hobbs squished themselves into the last remaining armchair and Farah perched on the arm rest, kicking her shoes off and bringing a knee up to rest her chin on. Dirk and Todd took to the floor, Todd leaning back against Hobb's legs and Dirk sitting cross legged with his face resting in his hands as he gazed into the fire.

It was the epitome of comfort, thought Todd, watching the fire make interesting shadows across Dirk's face. Their fingers all started to de-frost and their minds all wandered different ways as they listened to the soothing voices from the conversations around them. This was what Hogwarts should be, what family should be, probably, and what a weird family they were.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/153572881@N02/43195240575/in/album-72157672426941388/)

-

Suzie Boreton was a character that wasn't necessarily unlikeable, merely vaguely irritating, like a mosquito that you could hear passing you by occasionally on its way to lunch. She was a Gryffindor in the same year as Todd himself and, much like a mosquito, could be heard almost constantly, regardless of whether you knew where she was or not.

“Come on, now,” came her high-pitched wilt from inside the Astrology classroom.

Todd heard this, as it was not difficult to miss, as he himself arrived for the class they shared with the Hufflepuffs. Thinking not much of it, in the usual way he didn't think much of things, he entered the classroom.

Suzie Boreton was sat atop a desk, taking no regard to the papers and equipment that was also placed carefully on it. Sat at the assigned chair for that respective desk was an uncomfortable Dirk Gently.

“You're so cute,” she giggled, leaning forwards, towards Dirk who, understandably, leaned further the other direction.

Todd watched as Suzie threw out her hand to reach across to Dirk, aiming for his arm, probably. Dirk, in response, flailed in a panic that could be construed as an overreaction to someone that understood Dirk a little less than Todd did. Dirk flew out of his chair, his arm catching a telescope which clattered to the floor.

The room fell silent as everyone stopped what they were doing to look, to look at Dirk Gently who now stood helplessly in the middle of the room.

“What's wrong with him?” came a muttered voice, from somewhere in the room, Todd didn't know who.

Suzie Boreton chose that moment to laugh nervously, running a hand through the ends of her blonde hair before standing and reaching out again, obviously hoping to save her little embarrassing moment.

“For fucks sake, don't touch him,” Todd blurted out without realising, moving forward and knocking her hand out of the air.

Suzie scoffed, straightening her robes before stalking off, a small mumble of rude words leaving her lips before she sat down at her own desk, like a disgruntled bird that had got its feathers ruffled.

Todd stood in front of Dirk, desperately wishing everyone would return to their individual conversations. Dirk was still stood completely still, breathing perhaps a little too heavy and eyes a little unfocused.

“Hey,” said Todd, a little lamely, trying to catch his eye. “Do you...want to set up your telescope next to mine?” he asked for lack of anything better to say.

Dirk nodded, a little slowly, but very much an affirmative.

The professor then came bustling in, already talking, telling them to get started and actively destroying the awkward silence that had fallen about the room. Todd gestured towards a spare space with a nod of his head, and Dirk smiled, following him faithfully to set up his own telescope.

Astrology was a class that was held a little less often than a lot of their other classes, and subsequently Todd didn't often get to see the look of wonder on Dirk's face that often accompanied the professor's talks and the first hand visuals that the telescopes provided.

Todd made sure to take it in this time, watching Dirk as the boy's face was pressed as close to the telescope's eyepiece as was physically possible. It was also a class that Todd struggled less in, it wasn't as technically difficult as a lot of his other classes that required complex wand work, and the quiet and slow nature of the lesson created a lesser stressful environment for Todd's brain to work in.

“Todd,” Dirk said, his tone quite serious as he moved his face far away enough from his telescope to make eye contact with the other boy. “I seem to have discovered a star, I do believe I may be the first person to chart it.”

Todd took a moment to frown at him, before carefully looking through the eyepiece of his friend's telescope to look for himself.

“No, that's always been there,” commented Todd, rather bluntly, leaning over to tap the location on Dirk's map where, indeed, the star had been neatly labelled.

“Oh,” replied Dirk, a little dejected. He leant in to look at his map, his face awfully close to Todd's own. Todd straightened up, ignoring the slight heat to his own cheeks. He really needed to get that under control.

-

“I've never seen a game of Quidditch,” said Dirk. This didn't surprise Todd, not anymore. He simply assumed that Dirk hadn't done most things.

“It's alright,” replied Todd. He had never been particularly good at the game, that had always been Farah's speciality. Farah had been appointed the third Chaser position last year, and had been the youngest on the team as a young second year, so Todd had become a regular spectator in order to cheer on his house and his friend.

He was sat with Tina and Hobbs on one side and Dirk on the other, the only splash of yellow in their sea of red. The weather was still fairly frosty and the wind nipped at their cheeks and noses. They had all wound their scarves around their necks, adorning themselves in knitted stripes in a fight against the cold as well as a show of support for their house colours, apart from Dirk who had forgotten.

“Dirk, you must be freezing,” said Hobbs, leaning around Todd to talk to said boy. “Where's your scarf?”

“I must have left it in my room,” said Dirk, his teeth clattering together quietly.

“That was a bit daft,” commented Todd with a smile that was almost fond, already unwinding his own scarf. Unaware of the two sets of eyes watching in vague wonder, he looped his scarf around Dirk's neck twice until the boy was safely tucked into the warm knit.

“Thank you,” said Dirk softly, smiling at Todd with bright eyes.

“What was that?” whispered Tina to Hobbs, who was shushed hastily by the latter. Todd chose to ignore them and turned his attention to where the players were ready on the pitch, the captains shaking hands.

Watching Quidditch with Dirk entailed a lot of explaining, Todd not minding but also realising how strange it was to describe to someone who had only just discovered that flying was possible.

“Yes!” whooped Dirk as Farah got the quaffle through one of the hoops, her colourful robes flying out behind her as she swooped gracefully back to the center of the pitch.

“Shouldn't you be supporting Hufflepuff?” Tina called across to Dirk, her expression betraying her amusement.

“But Farah's my friend,” said Dirk, his honesty so incredibly sincere. “I don't know anyone on the Hufflepuff team.”

“Fair enough,” said Tina with a nod, turning her attention back to the game. “Farah's fucking amazing, so I don't blame you.”

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/153572881@N02/43195241255/in/album-72157672426941388/)

Gryffindor did win, quite easily.

The team were carried off the pitch and word spread that there would be a fantastic celebration of epic proportions to be taken place in their common room. Todd knew this meant some firewhisky and other such things that had been smuggled in by older students. Todd himself meant to smuggle in a certain Hufflepuff.

-

“What is this?” asked Dirk, looking down at the cup that Todd had pushed into his hand.

Dirk had managed to look entirely out of place and also just like he belonged all at once. Todd knew the news of the incident with Susie Boreton had travelled and it seemed to either convince people further that Dirk was a weirdo or it did the complete opposite and pulled on the heartstrings of people desperate for a chance to coo at cute, mysterious boys with strange and secret pasts. The latter was entirely too specific and confused Todd greatly.

“It's firewhisky,” said Todd, leaning in a little to be heard over the music and voices.

“Oh I see,” said Dirk, far too confidently for someone who actually didn't see.

“Just sip it.”

“Is it an alcohol?”

“Yes, but it's strong.”

“I see.”

Dirk dutifully sipped it, before making a face. A face of vague disgust followed by quite a lot of surprise.

“This is quite brilliant,” was what Dirk decided to say, nodding thoughtfully as he examined the almost-red liquid in his cup. He went for another sip, which was clearly a good sign.

Dirk then proceeded to have many more sips after that. So many, in fact, that a mere hour into the party, the apples of his cheeks had turned the same colour as his drink.

“Todd! There you are!” Dirk turned to him, yelling and grinning in a way that suited him greatly.

“I've been here the whole time.”

“You've got to try this!” continued Dirk, ignoring Todd's words.

“Dirk,” said Todd, on the verge of a scolding tone. “Where did you get this, who gave you more drink?”

“Tina really is such a lovely person,” said Dirk, earnestly, taking the cup back out of Todd's hand. Todd realised he was very much just a table in this interaction. “I've never had anything that tasted like this before. They always gave me such boring things, like water and sandwiches. I don't want anymore sandwiches, Todd!”

“Who are you-”

“Maybe we should dance,” interrupted Dirk with a serious little nod.

“Dirk! Wha-” Todd lost another sentence to Dirk Gently, as the other boy grabbed his sleeve and pulled him to where a few drunken Gryffindors were stumbling in a way that was clearly intended to be a dance.

“Dirk!” this shout was mostly a laugh, as Todd pulled back on his sleeve. Dirk's fingers brushed against his wrist as Todd moved his arm away.

Dirk turned to him with eyes wide and slightly wild with drunken joy.

“I don't want to dance,” called Todd over the music, which was louder here, somehow.

“Okay,” said Dirk easily. “I can dance on my own.” That sentence would have looked sad written down, but Dirk said it with such glee that it was clear he was reveling in the freedom of his options.

“I have a better idea,” said Todd, walking backwards away from Dirk, jerking his head as an indication to follow. Dirk didn't follow, perhaps not realising what Todd meant and assuming he had simply had some kind of neck spasm. “Come on!” Todd called, now using his hands to do the same gesture.

Dirk followed him without a fuss, apparently intrigued by Todd's intentions. The intentions were, as Dirk soon found out, to climb out to Todd's favourite spot on the roof above their dormitory. There were stars, which Todd knew there would be. That's where he usually found stars. The sky.

“It's quiet out here,” said Dirk, his voice too loud.

“Look up,” was all Todd said in reply, sitting himself down and leaning right back to face the sky.

There was no reply from Dirk, so Todd turned his head to look up at him instead. He was still stood up, but his face was tilted up, his jaw a little slack.

“Dirk,” Todd called softly, smiling. “Dirk, sit down.”

Dirk did, with a small bump. They were just a little bit closer than perhaps most nearly-14 year-old boys sat.

“They're nicer when you're not looking through a telescope,” said Todd, breaking the silence before it became awkward. “Don't you think?”

“Yeah,” breathed Dirk.

Todd let this silence stretch, hoping that Dirk would break it this time.

“I remember the first time I saw the stars,” said Dirk, his voice was quiet, as though he didn't expect it to be heard by someone else. “Do you ever get used to them? I've had eight months and I still don't understand how they can feel so close when they're literally light-years away.”

It took a little bit too long for Todd to realise what Dirk had said. He blamed the alcohol for his lethargic processing.

“Wait, eight months? What do you mean?” asked Todd, turning to face the other boy who was now resolutely looking away.

“Who decided we should make little dot-to-dot pictures out of them anyway? That one looks nothing like a person, where are his legs?” Dirk was rambling now, the flush from the alcohol only getting more prominent on his pale face.

“Dirk,” said Todd, as softly as he could manage. “Why did you transfer here now? Where were you for the first two years?” There were at least a hundred more questions that Todd wanted to ask, but he understood the need to not overwhelm the other boy right now.

Dirk turned away from the stars finally. “I'm not supposed to say,” he mumbled to his knees.

“You don't have to,” said Todd, although his instinct was to feed his curiosity with a more persistent question.

“You'll think I'm weird.”

“I already think you're weird,” said Todd, honestly. He bumped his shoulder against Dirk's without thinking, quickly pulling back and waiting for Dirk to shrink away. The boy did no such thing, and to Todd's fluttering surprise, Dirk reciprocated the little shoulder bump.

“Weirder.”

“I'm not sure that's possible, Dirk.”

Just when Todd thought that maybe Dirk would say something else, Tina's head burst through the window with a screech.

“Todd! There you are! Hobbs said you two had wandered off somewhere!”

“Hello, Tina,” said Dirk, very polite and steady for someone who had had at least three full glasses of firewhisky.

“Oh boy, the stars are so fucking beautiful.” She flopped down onto the roof next to them, effectively and swiftly ruining the soft moment between the two boys. It was probably for the best, too much softness would ruin Todd's (nonexistent) punk rock reputation.

-

It was the next morning that Todd had his revelation. Like when you thought you'd lost a piece of your Tom & Jerry puzzle only to find it weeks later in the cat's litter box. The kind of connection that fills you with undeniable excitement but also the dread of having to now pick it up.

There was a kid next to Todd at the breakfast table reading the Daily Prophet. It was not usually something that interested Todd, boring news for boring adults and most of the students here didn't bother. This particular nearly-spring morning Todd remembered a few words of a sentence he had heard months ago before school had even started.

“Farah,” Todd said suddenly, spraying sausage over his plate and the girl sitting opposite him. “Sorry,” he mumbled quickly to the alarmed girl, swallowing the rest of his mouthful before turning to his friend.

“Yes, Todd,” replied Farah steadily, raising an eyebrow at the mess he had made.

“Does the library keep copies of the Daily Prophet?”

“Why don't you just get it delivered like a normal person?”

“Not today's paper, like, ones from a few months ago.”

Farah considered this for a moment, taking a bite of her eggs and chewing them slowly. “Yes, I remember. I think they're charmed to fit into one of the shelves, of course, otherwise they wouldn't all fit as they clearly print one for each day and that would require a huge amount of space-”

Todd let Farah lose her train of thought as she talked about various shrinking charms and their benefits. He turned back to his plate, his mind whirring as he actually used it before 9am for potentially the first time ever.

“I need to go to the library,” he said suddenly, standing.

“Wha-” Hobbs startled from where he was sitting on his other side. “Todd, what are you doing, we only have a few minutes before class.”

“I know, I just need to do a...thing,” he finished lamely, already climbing over the bench and making his way out of the Great Hall.

“Very suspicious,” he heard Tina say as he left.

The librarian was also suspicious, staring down at Todd as he requested the specific newspaper that he was so sure would answer all his questions. It was indeed a special shelf charmed to hold more papers than should be physically possible, had Todd not been in the hurry that he was in fact in, he would have asked what kind of shrinking spell they used so he could relay the information back to Farah.

“Thank you,” said Todd quickly, taking the newspaper that the librarian had accio'd from the shelf. He tucked it inside his robes and made his way to class. Todd did not have a lot of patience, generally, and he barely heard what his professor was saying, the feeling of the newspaper against his ribs promising to answer his questions was quite the distraction.

He made it to lunch time, when he made a lousy excuse to his friends and found an empty alcove by a window to sit and rifle through the newspaper. It was not like Todd to willingly miss lunch time, his favourite of all the meals, but this was not a normal circumstance.

-

“Guys.”

“Todd, buddy, where have you been?” asked Hobbs, turning around where he sat in an armchair in the common room. The others were there also, as they often were. Creatures of habit they definitely were.

“Yeah, you've been either missing and acting really weird since breakfast,” added Tina, her words slightly morphed around the sugar quill stuck in her mouth.

“I was reading about the transfer students,” said Todd, sitting down to form a circle of the four of them, and pulling out the newspaper he had now read thoroughly.

“What?” said Tina, taking the sweet out of her mouth and leaning in. “What do you mean?”

“I remember this conversation my parents had with some of their friends in Diagon Alley and I just connected the two dots. They were talking about the transfer students and a particular Daily Prophet article and so I found it,” explained Todd, nodding to emphasise his reasonable-ness. Perhaps Farah would be impressed by his intelligent problem-solving skills, that was probably what she was into.

“Todd, my man, that's crazy, let me read!” Tina pulled the paper out of Todd's hands.

“It's actually something out of a film or something,” said Todd, quietly so no one would overhear and getting comfortable on his chair. “This crazy wizard, who literally no one had heard of, found orphaned muggle-borns in muggle orphanages and convinced this sketchy part of the muggle government to experiment on them.”

“Hold up,” said Tina, still holding the paper but gaping at Todd.

“I don't understand...Dirk was being kept by the muggle government?” said Hobbs, lowering his voice also.

“That's fucking inhumane-” burst out Farah, who had been silent up until this moment, who saved her swear words for when she really meant it. “No wonder they didn't….tell us, tell anyone.”

“How did it take so long for the wizarding government to find out? What the fuck?” Tina contributed to the outrage.

“This wizard, I think he calls himself The Mage,” Todd started again, gesturing to the paper in Tina's hands, “was in charge of the whole thing, so he knew how to avoid suspicion. He's like this intense muggle-born hater, I think? Only pure-bloods at Hogwarts and all that.”

“So the transfer kids...” Farah said quietly, slowly.

“They're all from the same place, which is why they're different ages,” Todd continued to explain, desperate for the others to know as well. “It's why it looks like they've never done magic before, they haven't.”

“Shit,” said Hobbs. “Poor Dirk.”

That's when it really hit Todd. He had been so incredibly preoccupied by finally finding the missing puzzle piece that he'd forgotten what it actually meant in regards to their new friend.

“Shit,” echoed Todd, fingers rubbing his eyes as it all became too much. The swift change from excitement to dread left him dizzy.

“Should we...talk to him about it?” asked Tina carefully.

“I don't know...” said Farah, just as carefully.

“Well, we can't,” said Hobbs, sure in his words. “But Todd probably could.”

“What, why me?” asked Todd, confused at Hobbs' reasoning.

They all stared at Todd for a moment, as though he was missing something obvious.

“Because he likes you the most,” said Tina, slowly, as though talking to a child. “You guys are like best friends, aren't you?”

“Best friends?” repeated Todd. “He's all our friend.”

“Yes,” said Farah, pausing but meaning to continue. “But he's far more attached to you, how can you not have noticed?”

“You're the only one he'll touch willingly,” added Tina, looking at Todd like he was an idiot.

Todd realised that was true, the small accidental and purposeful touched between the two of them hadn't been received with a jump or a flinch. He just hadn't realised it wasn't the same for everyone. The realisation left Todd a little flustered.

“Oh,” was all he said.

The other three shared a glance, which Todd pretended not to notice.

-

Spring happened earlier than Todd was expecting. The days were nearly warm enough to sit outside without their jumpers on. Nearly.

“Have you guys started revising yet?” asked Hobbs, leant back against a tree trunk. The tree sheltered them from the weak sun, its rays only just getting through to dapple on Hobbs' potions essay.

“Yes,” said Farah, not looking up from the book in front of her nose.

“What?” said Tina in alarm, sitting up from where she'd been sprawled flat with her head resting on Hobbs' shin. “Exams are ages away!”

“I just like to be prepared,” replied Farah with a small shrug.

Todd didn't comment, pretending the dread of exams wasn't a thing and distracting himself by looking at where Dirk was laid out on the grass, his jumper rolled up into a makeshift pillow, eyes closed as he let the sunlight fall onto the sharp features of his face. He turned his eyes back to where his own potions essay lay in his lap, half the length of Hobbs'.

Todd couldn't decide if he was more anxious about exams, or about the heavy truth about Dirk that they all now carried, yet to be brought up.

As though Dirk could detect Todd's stress, the boy opened an eye, squinting because of the sun, and tilted his head back to look at Todd. The grin was far too wide to be real, far too wide to belong to someone who had spent their entire childhood in a government prison. Todd looked away.

He needed to talk to Dirk before he exploded with the muchness of it all.

-

The opportunity arose, much like opportunities often do, a couple of weeks later. Farah, Tina and Hobbs had gone to Hogsmeade for the last trip of the year, while Todd had stayed behind to fret about the amount of revision he had not done and then potentially to do some revision.

“Is there really a giant squid in the lake?” asked Dirk, book forgotten in front of him as he stared out of the library window towards said lake, chin propped up on his palm.

Todd thought for a moment, glancing between his own books and the lake outside, shining with the reflection of the sun in a way that was definitely mocking.

“I think it's something we should go investigate,” said Todd decisively, shutting his book louder than necessary to make a point. “Come on.”

Dirk followed him out the library without even a hint of hesitation.

Todd strode out of the library and down towards the lake, Dirk less than a step behind him. There were plenty of people sitting by the lake, enjoying the afternoon sun and some who had taken all their books and essays in an attempt to be productive. Dirk eyed the students with their toes dipping into the water, as if waiting for a huge tentacle to come out and pull them into the depths of the lake.

They found themselves an emptier section of grass that still sat flush to the edge of the lake.

“I'm bored of revision now,” groaned Todd, letting himself fall back on to the grass, watching Dirk following suit next to him.

“Mmm,” Dirk hummed in agreement.

Todd turned his head, his cheek now pressed to the grass, to look at Dirk. His intention was to approach the subject with an air of careful tact, but what actually happened was far more blunt and far more lacking in tact.

“I know.”

“Hmm?” Dirk made a questioning noise, also turning his head so their eyes met.

“I know...why you transferred.”

Todd watched as Dirk realised what he was saying, and his eyes widened.

“Dirk-”

“I should go,” said Dirk, sitting up abruptly.

“Dirk, no, don't,” Todd rushed to say, reaching out to pull at Dirk's shirt sleeve.

Dirk looked down to their point of contact, before pushing his wrist towards Todd until his bare wrist made contact with Todd's fingers. They both sat there in silence, both staring down at where their skin touched.

They would have looked very strange were anyone to walk by at that moment.

“I just...wanted to tell you, so you knew,” said Todd, fully aware that his sentences weren't making sense. They were just words that held a vaguely reassuring tone to them.

“How did you find out?” asked Dirk, positively miserably.

“It was in the Daily Prophet, the week before school started. I found it in the library.”

“Oh.”

Dirk let his arm fall to the grass. Todd let go of his sleeve.

“Sorry,” mumbled Todd. “You probably don't want people knowing and I was nosy and-”

“You don't think it's weird?” Dirk interrupted, eyes insistently finding Todd's.

“I mean, yeah, a bit.”

There was silence before, inexplicably, the two boys burst into laughter. Todd threw himself back onto the grass, laughs starting down in his belly and bursting out in synch with Dirk's.

“Why are we laughing?” asked Dirk, hiccoughing through some giggles.

“I don't know,” replied Todd, trying to calm his breathing, a stupid grin still on his face.

“It's rather a serious subject,” said Dirk, his laughs starting up again.

It was ridiculous. Dirk was ridiculous. Maybe Todd was a little ridiculous as well.

Their laughter died down, until it was just two boys lying in the grass, still a little bit too close to each other. Neither minded.

“Where will you go for the summer?” asked Todd.

Dirk shrugged. “They've set something up for us.”

Todd realised he meant the rest of the transfer kids.

“Will you tell me about it all one day?”

“Okay,” said Dirk.

It was understood in that moment that then was not the right time. That was okay.

-

“Mum's going to be so pissed off about all your detentions,” said Todd around mouthfuls of breakfast food.

“Yeah, but she'll blame you, so it's fine,” Amanda shot back across the table with a smirk too sneaky for her young, round face.

“Ah, shit, you're right.”

“Sorry big brother,” said Amanda, her grin was not sorry at all.

Todd rolled his eyes, accepting his fate.

“How are all your...” Todd waved his fork in the air before continuing with, “friends?”

“They've officially initiated me into their group,” said Amanda casually, but her glee was obvious in the way she wiggled slightly in her seat, a small glimpse of the excited 11 year old that people forgot she was.

“Oh?”

“We're thinking of getting some jackets.”

“That's...nice.”

“I know you don't like them,” said Amanda with a smirk. “They scare you.”

“They do not!” huffed Todd, outraged. “I just want to make sure you're staying safe-”

“Safe from the big bad Slytherin?” Amanda did a terrible, whiny impression of his voice.

“No-!”

“Seriously, you're such a hypocrite.”

“Wha-how?” Todd floundered slightly.

“You get at me for being friends with people from different houses, but when were you going to tell me about your new Hufflepuff bestie?” she said, pointedly, also pointing with her knife in that threatening nature she seemed to simply exude now.

“Dirk?” slipped from Todd's mouth before he could stop himself. “He doesn't blow up half of the breakfast table when he fancies a bit of fun though, unlike some.”

“Are you kidding? That guys a mess,” said Amanda with a laugh, dropping her previously wielded knife back onto the table. “He would probably blow up the headmistress' office if you asked him nicely enough.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” hissed Todd, leaning forward over his plate to scowl at Amanda.

Before Amanda could say anything more, the rest of the Squad turned up, mid conversation that was loud enough to stop any reply that Amanda could have attempted.

“Hey Todd,” greeted Dirk, sitting next to Amanda, across from Todd.

Todd smiled easily at him, ignoring the pointed look Amanda was throwing viciously his way, which were complete with eyebrow wiggles and winks. She was just a child, she didn't know what she was talking about.

“Revision session later?” asked Hobbs as he tucked into his own breakfast.

Todd groaned and looked down at his scrambled eggs, tempted to just let his face fall into them. Maybe he would suffocate and he wouldn't ever have to do any exams ever again. Although, that was a particularly sulphurous way to go, so maybe not.

-

Todd was still attending the extra sessions that were held for the transfer students by Farah. He found them useful and he was just going to have to be okay with how useless he felt going to a class for kids who had only picked up a wand for the first time a few months ago. He was, maybe, not okay with that.

Anxiety had been building up in Todd's chest for a solid week now, exams looming closer and closer as Todd failed again and again on some of the most simple of spells. If he thought too much about it, it became a little difficult to breath for a moment before he forcefully made himself focus on something else, like Cerberus shitting on poor Panto's robes that he'd left over a chair in the common room. That had been a rare moment when Todd had performed a near-perfect cleaning charm, ridding the robes of the cat shit. Todd would have been impressed with himself, but honestly it was probably Panto's charm and proficiency that radiated from his very clothes. It would have probably just cleaned itself if left for too long.

Walking back from one of the revision sessions Todd had tuned everyone else out, along with his thoughts as he walked with Farah and Dirk back to the common room. The two of them were talking amiably and easily while Todd focused on pushing the bile back into his stomach, every footstep landing too heavily on the stone floors of the corridor.

“Todd?” It was Dirk's voice. Of course it was.

“Let's sit down here, shall we?” said Farah, softly, her hand landing softly on his elbow and leading him to a stone bench that was sat against an ornate window pane. Everything was so ornate in this castle, thought Todd. Todd wasn't very ornate.

“Todd? Can you hear me?”

That was Farah, of course he could hear her. What a strange question.

“Just breath with me okay?”

When had they sat down?

“Deep breaths.”

Todd then realised he hadn't spoken out loud at all. He also realised the short, frantic breaths that were rocking through his body, making his head dizzy.

“Fuck,” he managed to gasp out.

“You're fine, you're fine,” Farah continued, her voice soothing.

Then Todd remembered what he'd been thinking, no, panicking about and the pressure was back, pushing against his chest with no mercy. His hands were tingling and he couldn't focus his eyes on anything, his mind whirring so fast he couldn't keep up.

He was going to fail his exams.

What would his mother say, what would Amanda say. What a disappointing big brother he was.

A small touch to his right hand, where it was clenched tight in the hem of his robes. The fingers were a little colder than his own and he put all his energy on focusing on that instead.

The deep breath he managed was such a relief, oxygen flooding back into his lungs.

His hands relaxed, letting the fabric of his robes slip through them as the hand that he was now very aware belonged to Dirk slipped into his. He hadn't even noticed his breathing had nearly returned to normal as cold, thin fingers wiggled in between his own. Dirk Gently was holding his hand.

“Sorry,” breathed Todd, squeezing his eyes shut, shame now welling up in him.

“Don't be stupid, Todd,” said Farah, softly but sternly.

“Okay,” he said, even quieter.

-

Todd's new revision timetable, curtesy of his wonderful friend Farah, was ruthless. Todd could not be more grateful to have a friend as good to him as Farah, but also he was tired.

“Wake up, you fun-sized mars bar.”

“Fun-sized?” asked Todd, squinting up at where Tina was looming over him. He had been enjoying that nap, not anymore it seems.

“Yeah, you know, they're like normal mars bars but smaller.”

“Fuck off,” mumbled Todd, shoving his face back into the sofa cushion.

This was his new life, revising until he fell asleep at strange angles on sofas. Would the exams ever arrive? Or would they be forever looming just out of reach.

Tina dropped Cerberus on him, causing Todd to make the most undignified sound he's probably ever made.

-

Three incredible things happened.

Gryffindor won the Quidditch final, becoming the reigning champion for the second year running. Todd passed his exams, some better than others, but at no point had a professor uttered the word 're-take'. The third was possibly the most incredible.

“I...passed...everything?” muttered Todd, his heart trying its best to push itself out of his chest and onto the floor of the Great Hall where he stood dazed, parchment in hand.

Suddenly there were arms wrapped around his shoulders, and he was smushed into a chest. It was brief but yes, incredible. Who knew Todd could go from an anxious, frazzled mess, to a boy with a sheet of positive exam results and who had just been hugged by Dirk Gently, in just a matter of weeks. Perhaps Todd had small dreams, but he was pretty damn happy in that moment.

“Stay with me over the summer,” Todd blurted out, ignoring the rest of the Squad who were also very much stood there, exam results held in hands like precious diamonds. “My parents own a B&B, they would let you stay for summer if I asked.”

He looked up to see everyone's eyes on him.

“All of you, come and stay, it'll be so fucking good,” he said, excitement raising his voice to a volume only just acceptable for inside spaces.

There were whoops and 'okay's from the others, but Todd turned his attention back to Dirk.

“Okay.”

-

The calm, dry heat of summer found Todd once more.

They were a beautiful five, their words and movements lazy, as they sprawled out under their favourite tree in the grounds of Hogwarts. Sunlight danced in their hair and turned their noses red.

This must be what being high feels like, thought Todd, his body a relaxed puddle of human settling into the lush, warm grass. The giant squid could come flailing out the water, pulling students in screaming and Todd didn't think he'd move from that spot.

It was strange how little things mattered in that strange little bubble in time, after exams and classes were over, but before they were all shipped home to their families for the holidays. They all knew that, realistically, what they had discovered about their incredibly soft Hufflepuff friend was serious, not a laughing matter even a little bit, but in that moment it was easily forgotten.

“This summer's going to be fucking rad,” mumbled Tina, her arm was thrown over her eyes but her grin was stretched wide.

“Fuck yes,” was the reply, from Dirk Gently.

Shit happens. One day they would find out just how much the first few years of Dirk's life sucked, how much it still affected him and how much he craved the touch and love he'd never had, but right then they were just careless summer kids.


End file.
